I am doing both. It is important that we give back to our communities in any way that we can, but we also have to keep healthy, mentally and emotionally to do so. I must admit, giving to others the past few months has proven to be challenging because I can't seem to create balance and consistency in my personal life. It appears once I have a schedule for the kids and free time to focus on what I need to, things change and prevent me from committing to dates and times to get things done. It appears that folks I depend on will shift gears with no notice or consideration for my schedule, and it throws me totally off balance.
With that being said, I realized that I must have a plan B and C. It makes no since to depend on folks who prove to be completely unreliable and inconsistent, so those who are depending on you most lump you in the same category, and I refuse to be a part of that category. So, I realized, like a car, my life needed some special attention. I can't run right if all my parts aren't right, so, I needed a tune-up. I needed to re-evaluate my situation, enlarge my support system, and create a network of supportive and reliable folks in order to take care of the business I need to do.
The fall and winter months are also times for healing, restoration and solitude. I spent the past two years angry about things that were beyond my control, not realizing I had full control over my anger. To find that space of forgiveness, I opened myself up, and still found much hurt, but the anger has finally subsided, and in the midst of it all, the peaks and valleys, I am being restored, renewed, refined, tuned-up. When I am giving myself what I need without neglect, I find it so rewarding to give of myself to someone who is in much greater need.
So, moving forward, I have no more excuses. I can serve others when I best service myself. I will continue to build and foster healthy friendships and give of myself, once I have given to myself. Giving is one of the most selfless, unselfish acts you can do besides, loving, especially when you learn to take control.
Peace and Blessings,
Shamina
Thinking
I’m sitting, listening to the sounds around me
Sitting still and peaceful like an owl watching out for his night’s prey
Sitting still, thinking, of all my wants and wishes, some of which I thought I had let slip away
The quite, the peace, its music to my ears…almost virgin as I use to fear the total peace and quite of my innermost thoughts
Connecting with my soul and binding up all negative thoughts
Some of which were hidden fears, silent cries and tears
Others of conquer, conquest and making a difference in anothers life
Closing my eyes, breathing deep, with every inhale speaking “Be still” and with every exhale “Know that I am God”
There are so many wonders, so many treasures hidden in a day, just take a moment to be still, listen, and enjoy the night turning into day
Read to an elder that has lost his sight, have a conversation with a mother whose 93 and gain some insight
Help a kid with homework whose parents are overworked and underpaid, whose not home in time to play mother/father and maid
Take clothes to the womens shelter and share a word of conquering and overcoming a situation that has a young lady dismayed
Sit still, hear your thoughts and dreams and bring them into fruition with full pride and self-esteem
What’s most rewarding about sitting still is the fact that you have tomorrow to do it all again
