Derailed

Hi all, I know it’s been far too long, so please forgive me. You know, there are times when we find ourselves off track, off balance, derailed, in a manner of speaking. There are times when we focus on our issues and circumstances instead of our many blessings and the fact that we have life. This is where I found myself the past few months, derailed. When we look down on where we are instead of looking up toward where we wish to be, it opens the door for negative thinking and a defeatist attitude.

I found myself derailed and side tracked once again because of poor planning and bad decisions. I had a plan, prayed upon it, sought direction, but in the end I made choices that didn't support the plan. You see, since having my second child, I've been in financial straits, especially since I have received little to no support from the biological father. In addition, my quality of life changed BIG time. My income had been significantly different, expenses much higher and I haven't been able to take my children on vacations, yet alone to enjoy my own little vacations without the kids, it just didn't exist. So, I started getting the itch.

I started making plans that didn’t support my financial plan; I just couldn’t wait any longer. In return, I suffered and I wanted to blame everyone but myself. There were so many changes occurring in my life at the time and I didn’t want to accept blame for any of it, which in turn resulted in unhappiness and a lack of drive and ambition. Well, I had had enough of me. Sometimes we get so stuck inside our own heads, creating this silo where only we and our problems exist. There is a world of hurt that exist, tons of folks who have made poor decisions, unemployment at an all-time high, but guess what, we are responsible for us. We are responsible for our happiness, fulfillment and for doing what we can to get back on track, and help another person in the process.

I have been reminded time and time again, that we are not in this alone; we are helpers of one another. Prayer is powerful, accompanied with unwavering faith, determination and hard work; there is nothing we can’t achieve. More than half of the time, the battle to be fought and won is the battle of the mind. It is so easy to focus on the negative, but you have to make a conscious effort to combat negative thoughts, behaviors and actions with positive ones. Just because you are going through, doesn’t mean your family member, friend, neighbor has it any easier than you.

So, when your plan fails, when misfortune befalls you; mourn, cope as positively as you can, accept help, and constructive criticism. Dare to do something different, especially when you realize what you’ve been doing isn’t working. Network with others who are doing what you wish to do; be open and receptive to advice. Pick up the pieces and get back on track, you’ve been derailed, but not for long.

I was derailed, but I am now back on track, learning every day that I have to win the battle of the mind and work hard for all that I want and wish to be, and I most certainly have to be open to trying things differently, and when one plan fails, I have to re-vamp and re-create a new. I’m learning, per Iyanla Vanzant, to turn my broken pieces into peace.

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

LEVANTER

I've done enough looking back

Allowing the past to ride my back

Looking up is my hope

My willpower and determination is starting to surface

The endless possibilities that accompany confidence is exhilarating

I've done enough comparisons

Wishing hoping daydreaming that my past experiences didn't shape me

The struggle I've had with my inner self 

The years where unworthiness plagued the little girl ashamed and confused I've been trying to escape her instead of embracing her

The revelations are breathtaking

Intrigue builds eager to live the life that's always been in front of me 

The longing never died 

My emotions are non existent 

The torn dark part of me has been accepted and embraced

I've caressed my own face dried my tears hugged my disgrace 

I'm one with the wind its carrying me to know end 

I'm in awe of its freedom I almost envy it even and my desires are bubbling to the surface I can do this

I've decided to take a step forward

Derailed unveiled disorganized but yet propelled into something new incomparable to any of you 

Its my time and now I believe it like never before 

I've become invincible confident nerves no more head strong 

Everyday one step closer and its getting closer and closer 

Doubt leaves me now and the winds direction force is unknown

Levanter