Keeping It Real

The past few weeks I have had tons of thoughts running through my mind concerning relationships, my purpose, my career, my children and how to be the best possible parent that I can be. What has resonated in my mind is the discontent I feel when I am associated with individuals who are PHONY. Individuals who put on masks for the world, not truly knowing who they are, or simply haven't admitted to themselves who they are. Those that feel, for whatever reason, that I am not doing my best, who feel that they can do better.

My children are as real as it gets! There is nothing fake about them, unless my 12 year old complains her arm is about to fall off because of a mosquito bite that seems a little more larger than normal, and the 14 month old, well, she runs me, but she is learning now that there are boundaries and repercussions to some of her actions. But again, they are as real as it gets. They don't think that they are better than any one else, they aren't one way at home, and then another way at school, they are who they are.

I try my best to be as real as I can with God, myself, and others that I interact with, whether its personal, business or otherwise. The thing is, I confess my unadulterated self to God daily, something I don't do with all of whom I may interact with at a given time. But, my true friends, those I consider TRUE friends, know me, almost as well as I know myself. I keep it real, I'm pretty upfront and I wear my feelings on my sleeves, especially if I am hurt. I've been told by a few that I run my mouth too much, which is probably true. But not at the expense of the friendship. I would never intentionally betray my friends confidence, I would never share the secrets they entrust to me with another person, especially not doing so to defame their character nor to make myself appear to look like a better person than that individual and definitely not in judgement.

I am sure you can sense a tenseness or borderline anger in my words, or maybe you don't, but I have truly been irritated and aggravated by individuals the past few weeks who may have undermined my intelligence, who lacked the courage and the professionalism to keep it real with me. I consider myself a pretty open minded individual, one who can accept constructive criticisms, one who learns from my mistakes. What I am not, is a fake, especially not a phony!
I have not always been the best person or the best friend, I have been a person who lacked integrity, not realizing my worth as a woman and I can ADMIT it! But I thank God for what He is showing me now and I know the best is yet to come.

I have been through many ups and downs with friendships, jobs, and personal relationships that helped me realize the type of person that I was and who I am constantly working at becoming. KNOWING who I never want to be again and knowing what I never want to become. What is so real about discovering who you are is that you first have to admit who you are, and who you were, to God and yourself. Then once you feel comfortable enough with someone that you trust, you can then share with others. Be real with yourself, learn yourself, stop hiding from the world and putting on airs, wearing all these masks. Tap into yourself, loving yourself and discover your true talents, your wants your needs and stop trying to make yourself look good while bashing others. The more you keep trying to throw folks under a bus while not looking while you cross the street, the more your going to find that you are the one under the bus!

I am so happy to say I love my life!! I love where I am, who I am, where I am going and it feels great. I love my haters, my nay sayers, those that laugh with me then talk about me in a way that is not lifting of me and my family. I say to you, find yourself, confess who you are and who you were. None of us are perfect and we all have a past with many blemishes, so don't attempt to judge another unless you have taken a long look at yourself, past, present and future. My last advice is to be kind to your self and others, especially when you think no one is looking or listening. Remember, what's done in the dark always come to light!

Fully Aware

I am fully aware of the state I’m currently in
I am fully aware of the skin I’m in
I am fully aware of my financial status
I am fully aware that I am a mom and my name ain’t Gladys
I am fully aware of what it means to be desperate
I am fully aware that I’m not married
I am fully aware that loneliness is a state of mind
I am fully aware that I can do better
I am fully aware that I need some help
I am fully aware that I can not give up
I am fully aware that a day comes and goes
I am fully aware that you shouldn’t waste time on yesterday’s woes
I am fully aware that I can do anything
I am fully aware that I can create a plan and follow it
I am fully aware that my eyes and ears need to be open and my mouth needs to be shut
I am fully aware of all the feelings in my gut
I am fully aware that I will overcome, conquer and love will take over and run my mind

With love always,

Shamina