Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Bitter With the Sweet



There’s this saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”, I’m sure your fully aware of this saying. My question is do you make lemons or lemonade? I think it’s easy to become negative, get down on yourself and take on the “woe is me” attitude, but does that make you feel better about yourself? Well, for me it did not. I recall the days all too well when I was that girl. I felt as if I couldn’t get a break. I had to contend with so much so often that I didn’t even realize my role in my own unhappiness.

I’ve found that exerting positivity can sometimes take a little more work and effort than its counterpart, but it’s truly worth the effort. I now surround myself with positive people, affirmations, literature and most importantly in my world, the word of God. I’m mindful of what I feed myself, even when it comes to music and what I watch on television. I make a conscious effort to accentuate my happy place these days and I focus on the day, not my past and not what’s to come, making sure I plan for the best outcomes in all situations, as best I can.

There are days where I still struggle with finding my happy. I especially struggle when I feel like situations converge upon me in a day or a few days’ time, but I quickly go “inside” of myself and find that place of peace and happiness. I’ve discovered life is too short to give so much energy and power to the latter. All I know how to do these days is be a positive and upbeat person; I refuse to be anything else. And I so thank the angels that God has placed upon my path to water and grow me into this being. If I hadn’t had the same, I’m not sure of the person I would have become.
There are time I also become distant, I withdraw and retreat quickly these days from situations that are not bringing me life, that are not feeding my soul in a good and positive way, again, I’ve spent too much time being down on myself and exuding a negative countenance. I’ve learned how to accept the bitter with the sweet, it’s a part of life, part of growing pains, so I choose not to worry and be happy in it all!

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

My Happy
Ocean sprays, sun hung low, kissing and hugging my skin, creating glittering beads of sweat
Children laughing and playing, couples holding hands and beach strolling
Melodic tunes being orchestrated by huge waves, seagulls and folks all around, kites being flown
Huge clouds above me dancing a waltz
Electric sensations make my awareness seem cosmic like
I’m floating on air, calm and cool and my worries have been overtaken and subdued.

Take a listen to my theme song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6ZjBPXSmnE

Friday, March 22, 2013

Life Happens...



February and March have been very emotional for me. That may be an oxymoron considering how emotional of a person I am, but it’s been more emotional than usual. I learn something new almost every day and I don’t take my encounters with life lightly, I never have, but I’ve been reminded of how precious this life we are given is. It’s truly hit home that there are folks that will leave this earth unhappy, never reaching their potential, never recognizing their talents nor tapping into their purpose. I am blessed to finally be on this path of enlightenment.

I have also recognized that a lot of us don’t recover from hurts and situations that shake us to our core. We all don’t overcome depression and hardships that we face. I think I’ve been a bit arrogant in this area. I assumed at some point that we all draw from the strength inside of us and push forward. I know whole heartedly that the strength I draw from is my Gods strength, Jesus Christ, and I know that He alone has kept me and sent angels along the way to help me. Everyone doesn’t have this relationship; everyone is not built with the same resilience to overcome and conquer the ills that plague us in this life. This has been completely recognized the past few weeks for me.

Last night I thumbed through a few of my old journals, and some of the things I read, all I could do was shake my head, but then I smiled and thanked God for how good He has been in my life. I was a screwed up young girl, for many reasons. I read a passage where I wrote about asking God to take my life for me. Yup, I couldn’t believe it either. And because He wouldn’t take my life, I was contemplating ways to do it myself. To God be the glory, I am still here, no longer battling the demons of my yester year. But, there are still challenges I face, and healing is ongoing, but you work towards it. I have to, giving up is not an option for me, especially when I have been blessed and tasked to raise two beautiful young ladies.

God has given me a certain level of compassion for people, a certain care and concern and it’s innately in me to give to others. This is why I pour out my soul, open and honestly, to a fault a lot of the times. But it’s for my continuous healing and more importantly, in hopes to heal another. I want to be remembered for my compassion, and the love that I share with others, that’s it. Some will remember me as other things, a heart breaker, unemotional, that B****, maybe even unforgiving and that’s cool, because I’ve been those things and much more, but I’ve asked for forgiveness and I’ve forgiven myself for an awful lot of things.  But I say all of this to say, life happens to some of us, and more often than we think, it doesn’t work out for the good of everyone, and it’s been a humbling reality to absolutely accept this truth. So, show a little compassion from time to time, you never know where it may lead you. And reinforce your mind several times a day with scripture, positive messages and affirmations to combat negative thoughts, and find a mentor doing bigger and better than you. I read The Daily Motivator; I receive the Valerie Burton newsletter, the Bible, Acts of Faith and many others that motivate and inspire me. It all begins and ends with your thought process.

Peace and many blessings,
Shamina

from Who Will Cry for the Little Boy?

who will cry for the little boy?
Lost and all alone.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Abandoned without his own?
Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He never had for keeps.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He walked the burning sand
Who will cry for the little boy?
The boy inside the man.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Who knows well hurt and pain
Who will cry for the little boy?
He died again and again.
Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be
Who will cry for the little boy?
Who cries inside of me

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Who Knew it Would Feel Like This?



Today marks my oldest daughter’s 15th birthday. Celebrating her birthday always makes me so emotional, and I never really understood why until today. I thought it was because she is my 1st, or because she’s steadily growing up in front of me, but this morning I realized it’s much deeper than that. I realized the emotion tied to her birthday truly marks my growth as a woman, a mother, an over-comer. Having my daughter at 20 years old without having my parents or family around was tough, amid other circumstances I faced, in a place that I didn’t know a whole lot about. I realized today that my daughter grew me up quickly and she grew up with me.

Learning to not take myself and others so seriously has become one of my newest biggest lessons in this life. I find that I frustrate my friends and they to frustrate me and we may even hurt one another’s feelings, without intention, but it has nothing to do with our hearts, but more so our heads. We all process things differently, deal with our issues differently and I am learning to truly accept things for what they are and not get so bent out of shape. Life is too short to become consumed with petty misunderstandings, hurt feelings and egos, this life is about living and loving yourself and every part of your existence.

In my few short years on this earth, I thought I knew what it was to love myself and have joy in my heart, but I have harbored more pain, self-destructing behavior, and more unforgiveness than the average person. This past year I have set myself free from past hurts. I have forgiven the most unforgiving and I have come to terms with a past that most know nothing about, beginning with childhood experiences. Man, I was so uptight, and I have been actively working on loosening up. I hate to be vulnerable, but I am learning I must be, just a little bit. I thought I loved myself all along, but now I know what it truly feels like to love and be in love with this woman that I am. I love writing about my lessons and transitions as a woman, it’s so exhilarating, and if I were a man, I would write about that to (smile). I can pat myself on my back and say, “You ain’t doin half bad Shamina Williams”, and say it proudly and confidently.

Do I still have a few hurdles to overcome, sure, do I still struggle with insecurity, absolutely, but I am so much more confident than I’ve ever been and I never knew loving myself this way would ever feel like this. I am so free, mentally and emotionally; my soul is good and spirituality I can listen with ears I didn’t know I had. Life is good people, so live it without regret, being confident in whom you are and your ability to go as far as your thinking will take you. Believe in yourself and know that any thought that enters your mind can be accomplished. It’s not always about working hard, but working smarter and learning how to love and nurture your mind, body and soul.

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

WOMAN
I've been physically and sexually abused, been stripped of my pride, dignity and even more
slept on mattresses on a bare floor, begged for bread, money, food and more
but I am woman hear me roar
I've been down, but not defeated, heart bruised, shattered in many pieces, but not broken nor downtrodden
lost everything, gained everything, doors shut behind me that were never reopened, pushing me to move forward
I am woman hear me roar
some have attempted to dominate, hate me, slur my name
abandoned me, my child, tears turned into work, a resilience I never knew existed
love exploded out of hurt, hands rough and tough from my labor and work
body aches and pains from the tiredness and strain of holding it all together, but it ain't over yet as there is so much more as I see the day approaching
I am woman hear me roar