Comes To Light

I can't believe it has been two years since I've posted..But I'm baaaaack, and guess what...

I can breathe!!! I am whole, complete, free and comfortable in my skin. I’ve learned that life is about experiences, learning lessons, some of them very hard and re-occurring until you actually L-E-A-R-N what’s meant for you to learn. During my life lessons class, I’ve often missed the mark, understanding things later rather than sooner, and during this process there are people I’ve hurt, taken for granted, or simply exhibited a selfishness that was inexcusable. But my life class is very different form yours and I have learned we can not assume anything. Tell people exactly what you want and what you need from them. Never assume someone knows what you want or need from them.

Opportune timing looks different for everyone, and because of this, opportunities are missed and over looked, but, hindsight gives your foresight and I have no regrets. The last five years I have experienced tremendous pains, hurts and growth within my life class and there were many whom helped me along the way during this journey. Again, I know there are many folks I’ve hurt during this journey, and I’m truly sorry for this. I’m open and honest enough to address people directly, humbly, exhibiting a vulnerability that I never knew I would reach. I cry, experience pain and disappointment, but I also know I will recover, learn and keep it pushing. Finally breathing, accepting, loving and changing the things I’ve done in the past that I’m not so proud of. Continuously growing, becoming a  better me.

Grace echoes in my belly, grace, God’s grace, and I am learning how to exhibit the kind of grace that God grants me. The grace I give myself when I notice my many flaws and imperfections, giving this same grace to those whom hurt me, deceived me, even those who misguidedly loved me,  or loved me with an expectation all their own, expecting something more in return, expecting something that I didn’t have to offer, and even those whom loved me in a way I didn’t recognize as love. Grace for me missing the mark, for not being there when friends needed me the most, grace for the times I had nothing to offer to those who wanted to give me the world, grace for my heart that was cold as ice that many never got close to thawing and grace for those whom taught me it was ok to love and how to let go and be vulnerable, accepting me as I was.

What’s meant to be will be, friendships, intimate relationships, careers, realizing some things are for a reason a season or a lifetime, but I appreciate it all. I thank God not only for open doors but for closed doors too. Because I can breathe!!! I am whole, complete, free and comfortable in my skin, for the very first time. And I thank God for those whom love me still, especially when I wasn't so lovable.

Once again, I’m sorry! I’m sorry for the times you needed me and I wasn’t there, I’m sorry for not loving you the way you needed me to, I’m sorry for taking you for granted, for under-appreciating you, I’m sorry for not showing you how greatly I loved you and appreciated you the most and I’m sorry for being beautifully human and perfectly imperfect.

I’ll forever be on this journey of becoming the best possible me, discovering many more ways to live this life to the fullest, enduring the lows and enjoying and being thankful for the many highs.

Peace, love and many blessings, yours truly,

~Shamina

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypGJtxciIVM Take a listen...

I wanna know what you need from me

Be selfless and all indulgent of you and only you

Know that at the end of the day I catered to you, made you smile filled the hollowed parts of your eyes

I wanna see me dancing like starlight in your gaze

I wanna meet the needs that you've told me you have, pick up on those you haven't verbalized

I wanna know how you felt when hurt found it's way to you, every time disappointment showed up and turned you away

I wanna know how to love you expecting nothing in return 

For the first time I want it to be all about you, not I