Bitter With the Sweet

There’s this saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”, I’m sure your fully aware of this saying. My question is do you make lemons or lemonade? I think it’s easy to become negative, get down on yourself and take on the “woe is me” attitude, but does that make you feel better about yourself? Well, for me it did not. I recall the days all too well when I was that girl. I felt as if I couldn’t get a break. I had to contend with so much so often that I didn’t even realize my role in my own unhappiness.

I’ve found that exerting positivity can sometimes take a little more work and effort than its counterpart, but it’s truly worth the effort. I now surround myself with positive people, affirmations, literature and most importantly in my world, the word of God. I’m mindful of what I feed myself, even when it comes to music and what I watch on television. I make a conscious effort to accentuate my happy place these days and I focus on the day, not my past and not what’s to come, making sure I plan for the best outcomes in all situations, as best I can.

There are days where I still struggle with finding my happy. I especially struggle when I feel like situations converge upon me in a day or a few days’ time, but I quickly go “inside” of myself and find that place of peace and happiness. I’ve discovered life is too short to give so much energy and power to the latter. All I know how to do these days is be a positive and upbeat person; I refuse to be anything else. And I so thank the angels that God has placed upon my path to water and grow me into this being. If I hadn’t had the same, I’m not sure of the person I would have become.

There are time I also become distant, I withdraw and retreat quickly these days from situations that are not bringing me life, that are not feeding my soul in a good and positive way, again, I’ve spent too much time being down on myself and exuding a negative countenance. I’ve learned how to accept the bitter with the sweet, it’s a part of life, part of growing pains, so I choose not to worry and be happy in it all!

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

My Happy

Ocean sprays, sun hung low, kissing and hugging my skin, creating glittering beads of sweat

Children laughing and playing, couples holding hands and beach strolling

Melodic tunes being orchestrated by huge waves, seagulls and folks all around, kites being flown

Huge clouds above me dancing a waltz

Electric sensations make my awareness seem cosmic like

I’m floating on air, calm and cool and my worries have been overtaken and subdued.

Take a listen to my theme song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6ZjBPXSmnE

Life Happens...

February and March have been very emotional for me. That may be an oxymoron considering how emotional of a person I am, but it’s been more emotional than usual. I learn something new almost every day and I don’t take my encounters with life lightly, I never have, but I’ve been reminded of how precious this life we are given is. It’s truly hit home that there are folks that will leave this earth unhappy, never reaching their potential, never recognizing their talents nor tapping into their purpose. I am blessed to finally be on this path of enlightenment.

I have also recognized that a lot of us don’t recover from hurts and situations that shake us to our core. We all don’t overcome depression and hardships that we face. I think I’ve been a bit arrogant in this area. I assumed at some point that we all draw from the strength inside of us and push forward. I know whole heartedly that the strength I draw from is my Gods strength, Jesus Christ, and I know that He alone has kept me and sent angels along the way to help me. Everyone doesn’t have this relationship; everyone is not built with the same resilience to overcome and conquer the ills that plague us in this life. This has been completely recognized the past few weeks for me.

Last night I thumbed through a few of my old journals, and some of the things I read, all I could do was shake my head, but then I smiled and thanked God for how good He has been in my life. I was a screwed up young girl, for many reasons. I read a passage where I wrote about asking God to take my life for me. Yup, I couldn’t believe it either. And because He wouldn’t take my life, I was contemplating ways to do it myself. To God be the glory, I am still here, no longer battling the demons of my yester year. But, there are still challenges I face, and healing is ongoing, but you work towards it. I have to, giving up is not an option for me, especially when I have been blessed and tasked to raise two beautiful young ladies.

God has given me a certain level of compassion for people, a certain care and concern and it’s innately in me to give to others. This is why I pour out my soul, open and honestly, to a fault a lot of the times. But it’s for my continuous healing and more importantly, in hopes to heal another. I want to be remembered for my compassion, and the love that I share with others, that’s it. Some will remember me as other things, a heart breaker, unemotional, that B****, maybe even unforgiving and that’s cool, because I’ve been those things and much more, but I’ve asked for forgiveness and I’ve forgiven myself for an awful lot of things.  But I say all of this to say, life happens to some of us, and more often than we think, it doesn’t work out for the good of everyone, and it’s been a humbling reality to absolutely accept this truth. So, show a little compassion from time to time, you never know where it may lead you. And reinforce your mind several times a day with scripture, positive messages and affirmations to combat negative thoughts, and find a mentor doing bigger and better than you. I read The Daily Motivator; I receive the Valerie Burton newsletter, the Bible, Acts of Faith and many others that motivate and inspire me. It all begins and ends with your thought process.

Peace and many blessings,
Shamina

from Who Will Cry for the Little Boy?

who will cry for the little boy?

Lost and all alone.

Who will cry for the little boy?

Abandoned without his own?

Who will cry for the little boy?

He cried himself to sleep.

Who will cry for the little boy?

He never had for keeps.

Who will cry for the little boy?

He walked the burning sand

Who will cry for the little boy?

The boy inside the man.

Who will cry for the little boy?

Who knows well hurt and pain

Who will cry for the little boy?

He died again and again.

Who will cry for the little boy?

A good boy he tried to be

Who will cry for the little boy?

Who cries inside of me

by Antwone Fisher from Who Will Cry for the Little Boy?

Who Knew it Would Feel Like This?

Today marks my oldest daughter’s 15^th birthday. Celebrating her birthday always makes me so emotional, and I never really understood why until today. I thought it was because she is my 1^st, or because she’s steadily growing up in front of me, but this morning I realized it’s much deeper than that. I realized the emotion tied to her birthday truly marks my growth as a woman, a mother, an over-comer. Having my daughter at 20 years old without having my parents or family around was tough, amid other circumstances I faced, in a place that I didn’t know a whole lot about. I realized today that my daughter grew me up quickly and she grew up with me.

Learning to not take myself and others so seriously has become one of my newest biggest lessons in this life. I find that I frustrate my friends and they to frustrate me and we may even hurt one another’s feelings, without intention, but it has nothing to do with our hearts, but more so our heads. We all process things differently, deal with our issues differently and I am learning to truly accept things for what they are and not get so bent out of shape. Life is too short to become consumed with petty misunderstandings, hurt feelings and egos, this life is about living and loving yourself and every part of your existence.

In my few short years on this earth, I thought I knew what it was to love myself and have joy in my heart, but I have harbored more pain, self-destructing behavior, and more unforgiveness than the average person. This past year I have set myself free from past hurts. I have forgiven the most unforgiving and I have come to terms with a past that most know nothing about, beginning with childhood experiences. Man, I was so uptight, and I have been actively working on loosening up. I hate to be vulnerable, but I am learning I must be, just a little bit. I thought I loved myself all along, but now I know what it truly feels like to love and be in love with this woman that I am. I love writing about my lessons and transitions as a woman, it’s so exhilarating, and if I were a man, I would write about that to (smile). I can pat myself on my back and say, “You ain’t doin half bad Shamina Williams”, and say it proudly and confidently.

Do I still have a few hurdles to overcome, sure, do I still struggle with insecurity, absolutely, but I am so much more confident than I’ve ever been and I never knew loving myself this way would ever feel like this. I am so free, mentally and emotionally; my soul is good and spirituality I can listen with ears I didn’t know I had. Life is good people, so live it without regret, being confident in whom you are and your ability to go as far as your thinking will take you. Believe in yourself and know that any thought that enters your mind can be accomplished. It’s not always about working hard, but working smarter and learning how to love and nurture your mind, body and soul.

Peace and blessings,

Shamina

WOMAN

I've been physically and sexually abused, been stripped of my pride, dignity and even more
slept on mattresses on a bare floor, begged for bread, money, food and more
but I am woman hear me roar
I've been down, but not defeated, heart bruised, shattered in many pieces, but not broken nor downtrodden
lost everything, gained everything, doors shut behind me that were never reopened, pushing me to move forward
I am woman hear me roar
some have attempted to dominate, hate me, slur my name
abandoned me, my child, tears turned into work, a resilience I never knew existed
love exploded out of hurt, hands rough and tough from my labor and work
body aches and pains from the tiredness and strain of holding it all together, but it ain't over yet as there is so much more as I see the day approaching
I am woman hear me roar

Get Up From This Place

Hello to you all!  I pray you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and that you were reminded of what you are thankful for.  As we approach a new year, we approach  a new start.  I know there are many of us struggling and dealing with many battles, some financial, some heart matters, for some of us, life is just beating us down and we can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, we can't get our focus off of our problems, it appears that it is just one thing after another.  Well, I am hear to tell you that joy does come in the morning, and it is not as bad as it seems!!!

We all have those moments of despair, wondering why, why, why is this happening to me, why am I here in this place.  For some of us, its the driest season we have ever seen.  But, I have realized the longer you focus on "it", the harder "it" becomes.  Take a moment to reflect on your past, that time when things were really bad before, and reflect on how you ended up on top...it will happen again, but you most do something different.  Its hard to move forward with your plans, dreams and aspirations if you have no tangible plan.  I know this has been a reoccurring theme in my writings lately, but it is so true.  Although the plan you write will be altered, it gives you something to see, to meditate on, to create visible time-lines and actions to complete it all, and it works.  When we keep our plans in our minds, they get lost and tangled up in all the mental clutter and chatter of our everyday lives.

If you want to see things manifest differently in your lives, ask yourself, "What am I doing differently?".  You must do what scares you to death!!!  You must be passionate about whatever it is you want, and you must learn to give, especially to yourself.  Time, resources money, even a smile or a kind word.  You think you got it bad?  Go visit one of your local shelter's and see how bad they got it.  Go visit a mother whose child is missing, hit the streets and try to talk to that young girl who has been tricked into prostitution while her pimp keeps a watchful eye, imagine you were her for just a moment.  Switch your focus, change your circle of friends, get with folks who are doing what you would like to do.  There is so much life to live on this earth, there is so much awaiting to spring forth from your soul to assist another person, there are so many people that are awaiting you, you can't even imagine.  We are to live in heaven on earth, fully, abundantly, prosperously, purposefully.  You can be down, discouraged, but only for a moment, so don't become defeated, change your mindset and renew your mind daily with the thoughts and plans that will help you to arrive at your new destination, which I will call L-O-V-E.  Loving your tests and trials, loving who your are, loving how far you've come, loving the love you give to others.  Operate from that love within and your situation will turnaround immediately...try it and see.

So with this being said, this month I will leave you with a poem by Langston Hughes.

Love, peace, and many blessings,
Shamina

Mother to Son
by Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Hughes, Langston, http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/177021, Web. 29 Nov. 2011.