Give Some To Yourself

As we bring 2011 to a close, we reflect back on this past year. I'm sure we all have many stories to tell, some that are still unfolding, that we'll take into the new year.  But, as we reflect, as I reflect, I am thinking hard on the things, people, situations I will leave behind in 2011.

The Christmas holiday symbolizes giving, although the media and most of our society has commercialized the season, its still one of my favorites.  We come together, do for others, give to others, and celebrate the birth of our Savior with family and friends.  This past holiday season, I couldn't give much to others that involved monetary gifts, but I always try to give myself to others.  Whether its a meal, hospitality, a prayer, my time, my love, I tried to give something, but I found I didn't give myself much of anything.

So, for the last few days of this wonderful month of December, I will give myself to me, some quiet time, some laughter, some peace, and some happiness, and a whole lot of love.  I will be selfish, I will be uncompromising, I will put myself first, I will do exactly what I want to do for me, myself and I.
So with that, I say, happy holidays and have a wonderful new year!

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

GUESS

I guess its time that I really stop trying, this dating thing that is
I guess its time for me to really give God a chance
Give myself some time for some true healing.
See, I've never really been without a man, or some imitation of someone that resembled something like a man
I guess its time for me to dig deep within
Give my mind some peace and true relaxation, accomplish some things that have been plaguing me.
So, its time to tuck my heart away, hide it from those clones who may be lurking around night and day...
Time to let my soul fly free, become truly excited about being in the midst of me.
Being happy with the woman God has fashioned of me
I guess I've given so much of myself to others, that I haven't given much of anything to me.
So I guess in this season and spirit of giving, I'm giving my heart back to me and will prosper in the things that God has for me.

Get Up From This Place

Hello to you all!  I pray you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and that you were reminded of what you are thankful for.  As we approach a new year, we approach  a new start.  I know there are many of us struggling and dealing with many battles, some financial, some heart matters, for some of us, life is just beating us down and we can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, we can't get our focus off of our problems, it appears that it is just one thing after another.  Well, I am hear to tell you that joy does come in the morning, and it is not as bad as it seems!!!

We all have those moments of despair, wondering why, why, why is this happening to me, why am I here in this place.  For some of us, its the driest season we have ever seen.  But, I have realized the longer you focus on "it", the harder "it" becomes.  Take a moment to reflect on your past, that time when things were really bad before, and reflect on how you ended up on top...it will happen again, but you most do something different.  Its hard to move forward with your plans, dreams and aspirations if you have no tangible plan.  I know this has been a reoccurring theme in my writings lately, but it is so true.  Although the plan you write will be altered, it gives you something to see, to meditate on, to create visible time-lines and actions to complete it all, and it works.  When we keep our plans in our minds, they get lost and tangled up in all the mental clutter and chatter of our everyday lives.

If you want to see things manifest differently in your lives, ask yourself, "What am I doing differently?".  You must do what scares you to death!!!  You must be passionate about whatever it is you want, and you must learn to give, especially to yourself.  Time, resources money, even a smile or a kind word.  You think you got it bad?  Go visit one of your local shelter's and see how bad they got it.  Go visit a mother whose child is missing, hit the streets and try to talk to that young girl who has been tricked into prostitution while her pimp keeps a watchful eye, imagine you were her for just a moment.  Switch your focus, change your circle of friends, get with folks who are doing what you would like to do.  There is so much life to live on this earth, there is so much awaiting to spring forth from your soul to assist another person, there are so many people that are awaiting you, you can't even imagine.  We are to live in heaven on earth, fully, abundantly, prosperously, purposefully.  You can be down, discouraged, but only for a moment, so don't become defeated, change your mindset and renew your mind daily with the thoughts and plans that will help you to arrive at your new destination, which I will call L-O-V-E.  Loving your tests and trials, loving who your are, loving how far you've come, loving the love you give to others.  Operate from that love within and your situation will turnaround immediately...try it and see.

So with this being said, this month I will leave you with a poem by Langston Hughes.

Love, peace, and many blessings,
Shamina

Mother to Son
by Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Hughes, Langston, http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/177021, Web. 29 Nov. 2011.

How Bad Do You Want It

Hello good people. I apologize for not writing last month, but there were so many thoughts running through my mind; I simply could not focus on a topic. Even still this month, there are some reoccurring thoughts lingering from last month, I’m not sure of a topic, but I am simply going to piece something together here. My spirit has been heavy with thoughts of obedience, discipline, finishing the things I start, simply being accountable and responsible for the things that occur in my life, even the lives of my children.

I realize now, more than ever, that I will never yield the results that I want if I can’t focus long enough to finish the things that I have started. I’ve shared this with my 13 year old as well, as she is struggling with maintaining good grades. I have found that the past few years I have become lazy, in every sense of the word. I don’t want to push myself; I simply expect things to happen for me magically. But I have been reminded all too well that faith without works is dead.

It’s been hard to admit that I have become lazy, that my desire to walk into my full potential does not match my will to do so. So I’ve been asking myself, “How bad do you want it”? I know that I have been given a voice and I finally recognize that I have a talent. These things I didn’t always know. I also recognize that my talents and the many things that I have endured and overcome are not simply for my benefit.

I’ve been wondering what happen to the girl inside of me that had all these dreams and would do anything to position herself for the best. I know she still resides in me, I know that I am that girl, that woman. So what am I going to do? A dear friend reminded me last year of the importance of writing a plan, doesn’t have to be five written pages or anything elaborate, but simply something you have written down and something to follow, to hold yourself accountable, and it works! The past few months I haven’t written anything down; I haven’t pushed myself to do some of the things that I wanted to have done by this month. Well, there is no more waiting, planning and writing is what I’m doing, writing the vision and making it plain.

Michael Jordon didn’t become Michael Jordan because he wished it to be, but he practiced, he WORKED and perfected his skill, and it didn’t happen for him overnight. Talk is cheap…and I ask, am I a doer, are you a doer? Do you want it? As Bill Cosby stated before “Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it”. Great responsibility comes when you are walking, living, breathing, operating on and within PURPOSE. Maybe I have been afraid of what will occur in my life once I have my BA, then my MA, maybe I have been afraid of my book being published and becoming nationally recognized and subsequent books, especially children’s books, to follow. Maybe I am afraid of the opportunities that will arise out of my volunteer efforts with the women that are going through what I survived.

You know, most of us grew up in an era of, do as I say, not what I do, but we should actually be the examples to our children. I know I have not been the best example to my 13 year old. My work ethic has not been what it should be, and I have to show her that you can do and be anything you want. But I have to show her how this principle is manifesting in my own life.

So, my challenge is becoming disciplined enough and obedient enough to yield the results that I want, spiritually, financially, and educationally, showing my daughter’s a living example of this.

Peace, blessings, affectionately yours,

Shamina


He Walks With Me
I know He walks with me…has been with me since my conception...here for all eternityThe devil knows this, which is why he tries to trick me, get me to believe some of my insanity

I know he only comes to still, kill and destroy, but my Father has shown me what He has in store for me

My world has become the thoughts inside my head, which I have not fully protected and the devil has tried to come and infect it with lies and sins from my past

I know He walks with me, he’s grace and mercy evident with every picture I see, every moment that He has kept and saved me

There are times when my soul cries and He has been the only to console me

My days will be spent in prosperity and my years in pleasure, as long as I obey and serve Him

I know He walks with me, although there may be times I forget, I know He never has

The blessings on my life, so many I can’t count…I know I can be obedient to His word, and I know what my life is like when I doubt

He shows His face to me continuously, even during the times when I didn’t want to see

I know He walks with me and will continuously keep me, no matter the space I sometimes find me

He walks with me

Living Courageously

Recently, I have written about a few topics that have motivated me.  I am always positive and uplifting, but this month, I have been challenged to stay positive, I started to forget who keeps me.  This month it seemed that everything that could possibly come against me and attack me has, and within the past few days I have felt defeated.  But I know, the devil is a liar, and he is already defeated in my life.  I know first hand that God has kept me during all of my trials, even when it appeared I was faint at heart.  I know I am a strong woman, but greater is He that is in me, then he that is in this world.

So with all this being said, I have really had to seek God this month, for many things.  There have been quite a few days where I couldn't pray, didn't know where to begin to pray, nor did I know what to pray for.  What has been a constant in my mind the past few days is the question, "Where is your courage"?  Am I continuously focusing and looking down on the circumstances that are plaguing me, or I am rejoicing for where I am and what I have, looking up with expectation for the breakthrough that God is working on?

Faith is a tricky concept for a lot of us, especially those of us who claim to be sold out for Christ.  We forget His word and allow our thinking, and not the Holy Ghost to operate and work for us.  I forget I have that power sometimes, I forget how to walk by faith and not by sight.  I didn't want to get too spiritual this month, as all of my readers may not be saved, but I know that what I am dealing with is more spiritual and far from natural.  What I'm dealing with is testing my courage, my faith, my will, truly believing that when I can't, He will. Knowing that I have exhausted all possibilities, but His supplies and resources are unlimited.

Today, I am better, I know that I am a Kingdom Heir and that wealth and riches are in my house, I know that I lend and not borrow, I know if God is for me, who can be against me, I know that His word is life to those that find it and peace to all their flesh.  I am preaching to myself here, not anyone else.

I am courageous, I can face any obstacle and not be consumed by any circumstance.  So, I challenge you today to live boldly and courageously.  To continue to push, no matter what it looks like.  Don't allow your circumstance to dictate your expectancy, don't allow them to derail you any longer.

I know that I have not come this far to stop.  I know that God has planted many visions and dreams inside me, none of which had been a dream until He revealed them, so I know a greater power operates in me and that the best is yet to come. So today, I am courageous in Him and looking up at the heavens where blessings are continuously released.  Today, I give my angels charge over me and I will not punk out!!!

So, let's get it, no matter what it looks like, start living courageously.

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

Get On With It

It's amazing what can manifest when people are perfectly honest with themselves.  When one can truly and honestly face their hurts, failures, disappointments, fears and most of all, their anger.  We all get angry, have been unforgiving, and we have all held on to past hurts for far too long. It appears that after listening to many friends this past month, I hear and sense restoration in all of their voices and spirits.  I sense a feeling of acceptance with certain things that have plagued them, including myself.

Anger is very powerful and can be very destructive.  We all try to act as if we are cooler than a fan, nothing gets us angry, we don't hold grudges, etc., but I beg to differ. Here, I thought I was past my anger concerning a certain situation.  But I quickly realized, as I allowed acceptance to FINALLY take place and bitterness to be erased,...this is when I started to actually move past my anger, allowing things to unfold as they should have long ago.  Putting aside ego, pride and differences.

For me, I like to think, in every situation, that I always make the right decisions for me and my family, quality decisions.  I like to think that at every turn, my actions are warranted and justified.  Well, I also hate to admit when I am wrong or when I've made poor decisions. But, in doing so, I again, have learned so much more about me, and what it really means to forgive and let go, and be free.  So I found myself letting go of pride and sorrow and admitting that I was wrong for a thing or two, actually apologizing and saying that I was truly sorry for my actions.  Its definitely true, when you whole heartedly forgive and let go of whatever negative feelings you may be holding onto, you truly and honestly free yourself and open doors that you never imagined could be re-opened.

So, today, I beg you to  truly forgive someone who you haven't, let go and get on with it!!! Living that is (SMILE).

Peace and blessings,

Shamina

DEEP

Deep inside me there are many things I keep, many things that have seeped, like the disgusting juices piled up and compressed of the neighborhood trash, into loves of mine. Deep in the wholeness of my incompleteness, there resides an honesty that I’m afraid of, memories that terrify and lose me completely. Deep within is a love that springs forth with utterances of peace, serenity, confidence and joy…healing. Deep are the bruises, scars, soul ties that still leave scorn. Deep is my anger for those who lack patience and  understanding, searching for answers to that which may be unexplainable, memories that are not trusting, loving or with reason nor clarity. Deep is a pride, a mother, a third generation of strength, education and dreams on high. Deep is my passion to live out my full potential that is as wide as all of the world’s oceans and runs as long as the Nile. Deep is my love, my deepness I wanna share with you... in time, so hold on, move slow and we will stay afloat and not be lost or consumed by my deep…thoughts.

Learning Lessons

I've heard some where before, 'You will keep receiving the same lesson until you have learned the lesson'. Not certain if it was in church, whether I interpreted this saying from scripture, or was told by a friend or elder, but, its beginning to make since to me now.

During the past few years I have learned many lessons, I have evolved and involved myself more with my personal development and growth, not anyone else. But I still haven't learned how to fully listen to my inner voice. I still haven't learned how to recognize, or maybe I should say, heed the red flags. So, with that being said, I had to re-learn a lesson, or should I say, I am learning another lesson concerning the same issue that showed up previously the past few years.

Lessons are needed for many reasons. Lessons build character; strengthen your faith and your self esteem, lessons, to put it simply, help you grow as a person. It’s definitely a freeing feeling when you’re open and honest with yourself and others. When you share your concerns, especially when it’s done with calmness, peace, love and joy in your heart. I think that too many of us don't tell others how we feel, and it hinders our growth. We make some attempt at masking and ignoring our feelings, just for them to re-surface anyway, so why not get it out. I, know, it sounds simple right.

We compromise to a fault, I know I have. I have compromised my beliefs at times, my heart, my happiness, and my morals. For the sake of any good relationship, compromise is a healthy mechanism of change and growth. But not when you compromise to a fault. I'll be the first to admit my issues, especially now at 34 I recognize where I need improvement, where I need to bend a little more and what my issues are when it comes to sharing my world with another. The areas I refuse to compromise in are the areas of respect and common courtesy, as I see them and how I define them in my life, which may be very different from your definition.

Today, I ask you to heed the red flags that are present in your world, listen to your inner voice and become open and honest with yourself. It’s a liberating feeling. So smile and accept your lesson today and don't have any guilt or second thoughts about a tough decision that may need to be made out of your lesson learned. Change what needs to be change and keep evolving. We must stop depending on our "feelings", stop being ruled by our condition, our state of mind and exhibit that will and determination that we are all born with.

Peace and blessings,

Shamina

Breathe LoveIt’s amazing something so peaceful and surreal can walk into your life so unexpectedly and you flow with it like a crisp Spring Breeze

It’s amazing how you have no worries or fears and everything around you and within you simply tells you to breathe

It was not like a whirl wind, there was no confusion

I was brought to shore I’m sure

It wasn’t all physical, it wasn’t sexual at all

It was so spiritual and mental my ancestors begin to sing inside of me

B-R-E-A-T-H-E L-O-V-E

Copyright © Shamina Nicole Williams, 2011

I Am Woman

I have been thinking about my daughter's lately and the woman's role in our society. My 13 year old is in love with music, this new generation music. What scares me is how now, more than ever, women are portrayed as sex objects. No new revelation to the world, it's been this way for some time now. But now, there is such a lack of respect for women, especially the lack of men respecting women. I look at the clothes the young girls wear, I listen to the rap lyrics, I watch the videos, and I see little respect for our women and children. Hell, I even sing along to a lot of the lyrics, but I'm grown. I know who I am, what I use to be, I know how I deserve to be treated and I am the example for my daughter's. But, I am not Nicki Manage, Lil Wayne, Drake, Rick Ross or Chris Brown and it is an every day struggle between me and the media, to portray what the norms are in our society to my daughter's.

What's even more alarming is that these young girls grow-up to be young women. Confused, manipulated, taken advantage of, and in many ways abused. Abused because they have adapted to the norms of what society portrays as norms. That young girls are fresh, flirty, bi-sexual, sex crazed animals. Not daughter's, sister's, mother's, educated loved filled individuals.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am a woman, I am a sexual being and I have been accused of being a flirt at some point or another. In my days of adolescence, even young adult hood, I have probably been many different things to different people, but my family raised me with certain morals, standards, and taught me to have self respect. It was the streets that taught me otherwise, so called friends that taught me what no respect looked like. I've said it plenty times before, I am not perfect, no angel by far, but I am not the young girl I use to be, but I am a full grown loving woman, here and transparent, trying to be the best mother I can be for my girls.

I urge you to talk to your daughter's, son's, mentee's about what respect looks like, and what reality is versus what the media portrays as reality. Don't give up or in to what you see, continue to change the world. Do not allow the media to continue to dictate what our youth and young adults look like, especiall our young women.

Peace and blessings,

Shamina

I am not a girl!!

I am not your fuck toy.

I am not your mistress.

I am not your phat thighs, long legged booby.

I am not the love of your life; I am not your WIFE!

I am not your beck and call girl; I am not your high heels with a thong girl.

I am not your wettest pussy girl,

Deepest pussy girl,

Pretty smelling pussy girl,

Your pussy taste good girl.

I am not the; What you need girl?

Take this one thousand dollars and pay some of your bills girl.

I am not your living secrets keep this quiet girl.

I am not your wait on me girl.

Your take out of town trick girl.

I am not the: I love how you smell, suck, and fuck girl, but you can’t be my girl girl, but my girl on the side girl.

I am not the girl that becomes complacent or comfortable.

I am not the girl with no desire.

I am not the girl who depends on another.

I am not the girl who enjoys living in secret.

I am not the girl who will act as if some of this shit don’t exist.

I am not the girl you will manipulate.

I am not the girl you will take advantage of, the girl you think you can change my views and opinions to fit your own girl.

I am not the girl who will get high all her life and let life and time pass her by.

I am not the girl who thinks wealth and riches is what life is all about.

I am definitely not a girl.

Eliminating Confusion

Well, we are well into the new year, and I am behind in my posts. My life has been experiencing a lot of change since the beginning of the new year, and the changes are all great and very rewarding. I found myself dealing with tons of confusion. Confusion from many different sources, even me as the source as some of it. I quickly recognized it and begin to get rid of it.

You know, all too often we accept anything from people we allow in our lives, people we allow to be apart of our energies, and we have to know when situations become unhealthy for us. That's not always easy, but I think we are built and wired with a certain intuition that provides us with warning signs.

I believe that confusion leads to stress, second guessing ourselves, fear, doubt and many other symptoms that become unhealthy. We have to know when to throw in the towel, when a situation drains and pulls your energy to depletion, when individuals become selfish, uncompromising, controlling, or simply down right disrespectful. I have recently experienced all of those things until I woke up and said, I deserve more than this.

What was weird though, is that I actually began to function and operate within the confusion as if it was normal. As if there was something I had done to attract it and foster it, but it was the total opposite. Things, people, environments, the stress levels of others' change often and change quickly at times, and sometimes, if your not careful, you can allow it to affect you and become apart of who you are, and not for the betterment of yourself, nor those around you.

I have two little girls at home, one 13 and one 19 month old, and I don't want to raise them around confusion, chaos, disrespect, nor situations that lack love, compromise and understanding.

I never want to wake up again, shutting myself off from the world, concentrating on all the confusing thoughts in my head, when all I had to do was eliminate that which was causing me confusion, stress and unhappiness. You have to live in order to be considered living and there is no living if your living in a state of confusion. Wake up happy and thankful, and give to someone daily. You never know what a smile, a nod hello, or a kind word can do for a person, and being focused totally on you and yours and some of the situations you got going on, you never think twice about someone else. You never stop to look up at the sky and marvel at the peace and serenity that rests above which also resides within your being.

So today, I ask you to look at your life and look at the areas that cause you stress and strife, and those that are out of you control, don't focus on them, and those that are within your control, eradicate them and be empowered that you are taking back control of your life, situations, and removing those individuals that give you negative energy while depleting you of your good energy.

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

I Wanna Be Free

I wanna be free
Free to dwell in the midst of me
Free to love in such a harsh society
Free to be in the presence of the bitter sweet

I wanna be free
Free to love in the midst of me
Free to be in a place and space where He resides
Free to allow my pain to subside

I wanna be free
Free to experience an oneness and peace with my soul
Free to be bold, courageous and solid gold
Free to allow my emotions to unfold

I wanna be free
Free to experience a first with another
Free to behold and uphold a certain quality and standard
Free to be unselfish and uncompromising

I wanna be free
I simply wanna be free to experience me

Creating The New

Happy New Year All! This post is long overdue, so I apologize if you were expecting an entry in December as you should have been (smiles). The year 2010, for me, proved to be challenging in many areas, especially the area of faith. There were situations that almost shook me to my core, had me doubting myself, doubting the power of God inside me. With this being said, I started running out of fuel during the fall months, allowing many of the situations I faced to become a burden on my life, soul and spirit, physically and mentally.


During the holidays I was reminded that life is definitely short. We all use this phrase, but do we really understand the impact of this phrase? The year 2010 was the first year of my life without my grandmother, reminding me of what I have, breath and life, and no matter the situation, let nothing burden you when you know God has given you perfect peace.


I found myself asking God for clarity and direction often in 2010, more often than I have ever before. But I soon realized with the closing of the year that I was asking for guidance and direction, but I didn't have a clear, visible vision nor plan of what I needed guidance and direction for. I found myself aimlessly going through my days, always tired, no refreshment anywhere. However, before the close of 2010, I found it...in Him, a perfect peace and a new outlook, perspective if you will, one that included a plan for the year and small goals to achieve with each approaching month.


This month, in this New Year of 2011, I am embarking on many new experiences, one involving volunteering, a new position with my current employer and a new set of standards that include me writing down the things that I am GOING to do, not will do, must do or have to do, but going to do, with follow-up and follow through in this new year.


Often times, we are our biggest critics, and all too often we murmur and complain, even when we don't admit it, but we rarely create a plan to do things differently so that the outcome will quickly change and not remain the same. During the end of 2010, I was truly reminded of God's grace and mercy on my life, the lives of loved ones, especially my biological children who are both healthy, smart and beautiful. I had been all talk and no action during most of 2010, but that has changed. To see my vision plain as day, to see it when I rise and before I lay brings a newness, an expectancy into my dreams at night that allows me to start each day empowered, stronger, giving more, loving harder, not succumbing to my trials.


I challenge you in the new, to create a new thing within your world, your self, your mind and start to live out the unimaginable. I have said it before, and I will say it again and again, but now with more power and authority, THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!! Especially when you have a plan.


Peace and Blessings,
Shamina

The New

Well, here we are, a toast for creating new beginnings!

Like the kiss that new love has planted softly on your cheek after the first date.

The frost upon the grass when you awake, fresh linens on your bed.

The breath a newborn takes fresh out the womb, your child attempting to ride a bike for the first time, the first time they reach for you, their first utterance of your name.

The new pair of knee boots you rocked on New Year's Eve.

The new awaits you, me, it awaits us all, waiting for us to discover the very thing that makes us who we are.

For me, I am creating the new, the new pep in my step, the new pride in my stride, a new hello along with new goodbyes, a new frame of mind, new people to surprise and entertain, awaiting strangers that know my name, creating a new way to do some things.

The new I am doing this year Boo!!!