Life Happens...

February and March have been very emotional for me. That may be an oxymoron considering how emotional of a person I am, but it’s been more emotional than usual. I learn something new almost every day and I don’t take my encounters with life lightly, I never have, but I’ve been reminded of how precious this life we are given is. It’s truly hit home that there are folks that will leave this earth unhappy, never reaching their potential, never recognizing their talents nor tapping into their purpose. I am blessed to finally be on this path of enlightenment.

I have also recognized that a lot of us don’t recover from hurts and situations that shake us to our core. We all don’t overcome depression and hardships that we face. I think I’ve been a bit arrogant in this area. I assumed at some point that we all draw from the strength inside of us and push forward. I know whole heartedly that the strength I draw from is my Gods strength, Jesus Christ, and I know that He alone has kept me and sent angels along the way to help me. Everyone doesn’t have this relationship; everyone is not built with the same resilience to overcome and conquer the ills that plague us in this life. This has been completely recognized the past few weeks for me.

Last night I thumbed through a few of my old journals, and some of the things I read, all I could do was shake my head, but then I smiled and thanked God for how good He has been in my life. I was a screwed up young girl, for many reasons. I read a passage where I wrote about asking God to take my life for me. Yup, I couldn’t believe it either. And because He wouldn’t take my life, I was contemplating ways to do it myself. To God be the glory, I am still here, no longer battling the demons of my yester year. But, there are still challenges I face, and healing is ongoing, but you work towards it. I have to, giving up is not an option for me, especially when I have been blessed and tasked to raise two beautiful young ladies.

God has given me a certain level of compassion for people, a certain care and concern and it’s innately in me to give to others. This is why I pour out my soul, open and honestly, to a fault a lot of the times. But it’s for my continuous healing and more importantly, in hopes to heal another. I want to be remembered for my compassion, and the love that I share with others, that’s it. Some will remember me as other things, a heart breaker, unemotional, that B****, maybe even unforgiving and that’s cool, because I’ve been those things and much more, but I’ve asked for forgiveness and I’ve forgiven myself for an awful lot of things.  But I say all of this to say, life happens to some of us, and more often than we think, it doesn’t work out for the good of everyone, and it’s been a humbling reality to absolutely accept this truth. So, show a little compassion from time to time, you never know where it may lead you. And reinforce your mind several times a day with scripture, positive messages and affirmations to combat negative thoughts, and find a mentor doing bigger and better than you. I read The Daily Motivator; I receive the Valerie Burton newsletter, the Bible, Acts of Faith and many others that motivate and inspire me. It all begins and ends with your thought process.

Peace and many blessings,
Shamina

from Who Will Cry for the Little Boy?

who will cry for the little boy?

Lost and all alone.

Who will cry for the little boy?

Abandoned without his own?

Who will cry for the little boy?

He cried himself to sleep.

Who will cry for the little boy?

He never had for keeps.

Who will cry for the little boy?

He walked the burning sand

Who will cry for the little boy?

The boy inside the man.

Who will cry for the little boy?

Who knows well hurt and pain

Who will cry for the little boy?

He died again and again.

Who will cry for the little boy?

A good boy he tried to be

Who will cry for the little boy?

Who cries inside of me

by Antwone Fisher from Who Will Cry for the Little Boy?

Who Knew it Would Feel Like This?

Today marks my oldest daughter’s 15^th birthday. Celebrating her birthday always makes me so emotional, and I never really understood why until today. I thought it was because she is my 1^st, or because she’s steadily growing up in front of me, but this morning I realized it’s much deeper than that. I realized the emotion tied to her birthday truly marks my growth as a woman, a mother, an over-comer. Having my daughter at 20 years old without having my parents or family around was tough, amid other circumstances I faced, in a place that I didn’t know a whole lot about. I realized today that my daughter grew me up quickly and she grew up with me.

Learning to not take myself and others so seriously has become one of my newest biggest lessons in this life. I find that I frustrate my friends and they to frustrate me and we may even hurt one another’s feelings, without intention, but it has nothing to do with our hearts, but more so our heads. We all process things differently, deal with our issues differently and I am learning to truly accept things for what they are and not get so bent out of shape. Life is too short to become consumed with petty misunderstandings, hurt feelings and egos, this life is about living and loving yourself and every part of your existence.

In my few short years on this earth, I thought I knew what it was to love myself and have joy in my heart, but I have harbored more pain, self-destructing behavior, and more unforgiveness than the average person. This past year I have set myself free from past hurts. I have forgiven the most unforgiving and I have come to terms with a past that most know nothing about, beginning with childhood experiences. Man, I was so uptight, and I have been actively working on loosening up. I hate to be vulnerable, but I am learning I must be, just a little bit. I thought I loved myself all along, but now I know what it truly feels like to love and be in love with this woman that I am. I love writing about my lessons and transitions as a woman, it’s so exhilarating, and if I were a man, I would write about that to (smile). I can pat myself on my back and say, “You ain’t doin half bad Shamina Williams”, and say it proudly and confidently.

Do I still have a few hurdles to overcome, sure, do I still struggle with insecurity, absolutely, but I am so much more confident than I’ve ever been and I never knew loving myself this way would ever feel like this. I am so free, mentally and emotionally; my soul is good and spirituality I can listen with ears I didn’t know I had. Life is good people, so live it without regret, being confident in whom you are and your ability to go as far as your thinking will take you. Believe in yourself and know that any thought that enters your mind can be accomplished. It’s not always about working hard, but working smarter and learning how to love and nurture your mind, body and soul.

Peace and blessings,

Shamina

WOMAN

I've been physically and sexually abused, been stripped of my pride, dignity and even more
slept on mattresses on a bare floor, begged for bread, money, food and more
but I am woman hear me roar
I've been down, but not defeated, heart bruised, shattered in many pieces, but not broken nor downtrodden
lost everything, gained everything, doors shut behind me that were never reopened, pushing me to move forward
I am woman hear me roar
some have attempted to dominate, hate me, slur my name
abandoned me, my child, tears turned into work, a resilience I never knew existed
love exploded out of hurt, hands rough and tough from my labor and work
body aches and pains from the tiredness and strain of holding it all together, but it ain't over yet as there is so much more as I see the day approaching
I am woman hear me roar

There Is No Such Thing as the Boogie Man

How are you getting along thus far in this wonderful New Year?  I think I am fairing…trying to stick to the goals I created for myself, consistency is key, that’s a fact! So, when I found that in the past few weeks I have not been consistent, I had to ask myself why.  Some folks believe that there are only two emotions we operate from and they are either love, or fear. Which do you find yourself operating from?

I am noticing that I live in love but often operate out of fear. Fear of failure is what stands out most of all. See, I feel like if I procrastinate long enough, I won’t have to worry about my outcomes. It’s really self-sabotage, and why, because of fear. But if I live in love, don’t I love myself enough to move beyond my fears? This is my biggest challenge and my biggest opposition is myself.

I recently read something in ‘Acts of Faith’ written by Iyanla Vanzant and she stated, “Your chief adversary comes to teach you a lesson. Your most difficult challenge strengthens your survival skills. Your greatest fear deepens your faith .Your weakest ability beckons you to grow.” These sentences rang loudly in my ear, stirred my soul to be quite frank. As a child, there was a time I was afraid of the Boogie Man, but to be honest, I never met him. What often awakened me or kept me from doing things that I was afraid of was most of all, my own consciousness and perceptiveness about certain things, especially darkness. I quickly realized that once a little light was shed, there was no longer darkness, and once I ventured out to doing something I was afraid to do, I quickly realized it was a breeze to accomplish. The only thing that stood in my way was me.

I believe I have been afraid of submitting my book and my work in general, fearing rejection, so I have missed several submission deadlines, sadly. There was an article deadline I needed to meet by the 14^th, and as you can guess, I missed it, but submitted it last night. Not certain if it will be accepted, but it’s time to truly do, to practice what I so often preach and to submit away to see my  first work in print. So here’s to putting the Boogie Man to bed, embracing my fears and not only living, but operating in love, allowing fear to further activate this gift that God has given me, to write and share with you.

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

MY PEN

I thought I would never fully understand how you ended up in my hand

Often stuck inside my brain, never knew my thoughts would transcend to blue black ink

Pages just blank and bare until I put you against my finger tips

Often so long that you left that weird looking dent

 I thought I would never fully understand how you ended up in my hand

Sometimes you would go empty on me and I felt like my thoughts would then evaporate like quicksand

Balled point, fined tipped, felt tip with a grip, who would have thought you were going to be my conduit

Transforming my mental universe into a sea of reading works

I thought I would never understand how you ended up in my hand

My pen, my friend, my never ending stickup man