Keeping It Real

The past few weeks I have had tons of thoughts running through my mind concerning relationships, my purpose, my career, my children and how to be the best possible parent that I can be. What has resonated in my mind is the discontent I feel when I am associated with individuals who are PHONY. Individuals who put on masks for the world, not truly knowing who they are, or simply haven't admitted to themselves who they are. Those that feel, for whatever reason, that I am not doing my best, who feel that they can do better.

My children are as real as it gets! There is nothing fake about them, unless my 12 year old complains her arm is about to fall off because of a mosquito bite that seems a little more larger than normal, and the 14 month old, well, she runs me, but she is learning now that there are boundaries and repercussions to some of her actions. But again, they are as real as it gets. They don't think that they are better than any one else, they aren't one way at home, and then another way at school, they are who they are.

I try my best to be as real as I can with God, myself, and others that I interact with, whether its personal, business or otherwise. The thing is, I confess my unadulterated self to God daily, something I don't do with all of whom I may interact with at a given time. But, my true friends, those I consider TRUE friends, know me, almost as well as I know myself. I keep it real, I'm pretty upfront and I wear my feelings on my sleeves, especially if I am hurt. I've been told by a few that I run my mouth too much, which is probably true. But not at the expense of the friendship. I would never intentionally betray my friends confidence, I would never share the secrets they entrust to me with another person, especially not doing so to defame their character nor to make myself appear to look like a better person than that individual and definitely not in judgement.

I am sure you can sense a tenseness or borderline anger in my words, or maybe you don't, but I have truly been irritated and aggravated by individuals the past few weeks who may have undermined my intelligence, who lacked the courage and the professionalism to keep it real with me. I consider myself a pretty open minded individual, one who can accept constructive criticisms, one who learns from my mistakes. What I am not, is a fake, especially not a phony!
I have not always been the best person or the best friend, I have been a person who lacked integrity, not realizing my worth as a woman and I can ADMIT it! But I thank God for what He is showing me now and I know the best is yet to come.

I have been through many ups and downs with friendships, jobs, and personal relationships that helped me realize the type of person that I was and who I am constantly working at becoming. KNOWING who I never want to be again and knowing what I never want to become. What is so real about discovering who you are is that you first have to admit who you are, and who you were, to God and yourself. Then once you feel comfortable enough with someone that you trust, you can then share with others. Be real with yourself, learn yourself, stop hiding from the world and putting on airs, wearing all these masks. Tap into yourself, loving yourself and discover your true talents, your wants your needs and stop trying to make yourself look good while bashing others. The more you keep trying to throw folks under a bus while not looking while you cross the street, the more your going to find that you are the one under the bus!

I am so happy to say I love my life!! I love where I am, who I am, where I am going and it feels great. I love my haters, my nay sayers, those that laugh with me then talk about me in a way that is not lifting of me and my family. I say to you, find yourself, confess who you are and who you were. None of us are perfect and we all have a past with many blemishes, so don't attempt to judge another unless you have taken a long look at yourself, past, present and future. My last advice is to be kind to your self and others, especially when you think no one is looking or listening. Remember, what's done in the dark always come to light!

Fully Aware

I am fully aware of the state I’m currently in
I am fully aware of the skin I’m in
I am fully aware of my financial status
I am fully aware that I am a mom and my name ain’t Gladys
I am fully aware of what it means to be desperate
I am fully aware that I’m not married
I am fully aware that loneliness is a state of mind
I am fully aware that I can do better
I am fully aware that I need some help
I am fully aware that I can not give up
I am fully aware that a day comes and goes
I am fully aware that you shouldn’t waste time on yesterday’s woes
I am fully aware that I can do anything
I am fully aware that I can create a plan and follow it
I am fully aware that my eyes and ears need to be open and my mouth needs to be shut
I am fully aware of all the feelings in my gut
I am fully aware that I will overcome, conquer and love will take over and run my mind

With love always,

Shamina

Matters of The Heart

I thought about writing last week, but didn't want to write about any "heart matters". For some reason, I thought there was not enough substance in heart matters and that maybe some individuals were sick of listening and pondering "heart matters". Well, guess what, matters of the heart is what makes this world go round! Out of heart matters arise growth, compassion, break through, and most importantly, acts of kindness and servitude.

This week there has been allegations bought against a few well known men, Bishop Eddie Long, and Jesse Jackson, Jr., allegations of secret lives and unfavorable behavior. The most disturbing story I heard this week was concerning a father who strangled his four year old son to death, hurt another one of his children and then attempted suicide, all while a grandparent was in the home. These story's troubled me for many reasons, first being, what are we teaching our children? Where are our standards, our morality, our compassion for others? "The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children", Dietrich Bonhoeffer, German Protestant theologian & anti-Nazi activist (1906 - 1945).

We must raise our children with certain standards, teaching them early about what is good touch and what is bad touch. Teaching them and being an example of what a good person is and how they should conduct themselves. It all starts with raising our children with great standards, values, morals and giving them the opportunity to share their feelings at all costs. Keeping in mind that we were all children once, and we didn't always do as we were told, still don't as grown adults, but making sure we protect and educate our kids as best we can as to the dangers of this word, letting them know that we are accountable for our actions, and all actions will produce an outcome, whether favorable or unfavorable.

There is so much on my mind, so much so, that I can't convey my thoughts in such away that will capture all that is on my mind today. I just know that I am in deep thought, asking God for His direction and clarity in raising my children and being the best Woman in His kingdom that I can be, showing Him gratitude for where I am today and for where He is taking me.

So, today, I leave you with this piece:

Where Are My Words

Where are my words?
Are they lost in my soul or bound up in many different worlds
The worlds of my forefathers, my ancestors…Bound up in time that has past
My childhood, my youth…the pain of so many untold truths.
Where are my words?
Are they written on my heart, stuck and implanted in my unspoken thoughts
Lost in the treasures of my forgotten, tossed to the side unclaimed high school treasures, that no one cared to measure the importance of.
Where are my words?
Are they left behind with the anger of my unapologetic mother… my confused twisted older brother or with the sons of mothers who dehumanized a perfect little sister soldier
Where are my words?
Are they hiding in my pain, covering up what should have not been my shame, unexplained to those who inflicted the pain.
Where are my words?
Are they with my Heavenly Father during my prayers, during my conversations said boldly with confirmation, affirming that I am healed, bold, courageous, prosperous and worth more than 24 karat gold…more than all the rubies and unclaimed stones of this earth.
I ask, where are my words?
Are they with my new lover, my friendships of my true blue die hard sisters, my daughter who I try to keep in line and in order, or my father who has always been a father, but not always the best provider.
Where are my words?
Are they with the geese whom just took flight, the dogs who are strays, surviving with all their might, my people, places and things who are lost and without sight.
Where are my words…where are my words? I ask again, where are my words?
Are they out in the air on a cold brisk winters night, speaking to my homeless brothers and sisters of the night, the pimps, prostitutes, alcoholics, drug dealers and drug abusers, running from those elusive demons…
Are they with my single unwed mothers, my brothers locked up for one reason or another, my people who have lost their father’s and or mothers and other loved ones, my youth who have lost their direction and guidance, missing the opportunity to truly experience what it is like to be cool and not act like uneducated fools.
Are they wrapped up in wisdom waiting to spring forth and become a force, make a difference in this world…sitting with my grandmother and elders who helped build this nation.
Where are my words?

Shamina~

Fostering Healthy Relationships

Have you ever held on to friendships that you knew were not healthy for you? Keeping that friend around whose always negative, the friend that makes you feel bad about the poor decisions you've made, the friend who judges everyone and everything around you. Have you held onto those friendships that do not help you grow in any way, the ones that make you feel like you are being used? I know I have many days.

I can admit that I am not a good friend on many levels. I often forget birthdays, I hardly ever send gifts or cards. It's not that I don't think about it, lately, I simply haven't had the funds to do so, or that may be an excuse on my part. I simply haven't made the time or effort to make it a priority. However, my friends know that I love them and care about them and I express it in many ways. I am just trying to do better at tapping into their love language.

You know, there are friendships that end on their own, they may have only been for a season, and hopefully you learned from them and grew from them, using them to enhance future friendships or strengthen your current ones. Over the past few years I have endured some ups and many downs with those I considered to be a "friend". One of my girl scout songs just popped into my head, "Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold."

I have learned that most relationships will change and there are many dynamics to maintaining a healthy one. I have learned that I can love you from a distance because people change. Needs and wants change. I can love you and you don't have to be apart of my immediate circle and know every intricate detail of what's going on in my little ole world, the new and old.

I am challenging myself to make my friends more of a priority, to become aware of their needs and to show my care and concern in more ways, thinking of them first. Those I need to feed with a long handled spoon for whatever reason, I will, for my sanity, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you, just loving you different from before.

So today and everyday, I will foster healthly relationships with my friends and family, tapping into their love language and giving a little more of what they may need from me, even if that means keeping my distance. I will also keep myself open to the possibility of meeting new and different friends, ones who will teach me new lessons during this journey of life that will further enhance my character and to help me to become a better person and friend.

Smiles,
Shamina

Meet and Greet

You never know what God has in store for you.
New friends, new acquaintances, new relationships to be formed.

We’re at a meet and greet, and all of our spirits seem to be at peace…in a different place, different space, different secrets to keep.

Bought together by chance, our femininity intertwined in a dance of fellowship, laughter and stories of true blue survival.

All shapes, all sizes, all prizes in our own right! The meet and greet…we’re not here all soft and sweet. We’re here, open, honest and sharing our defeats, our conquest, our war scars.

The meet and greet. I had some reservations; some hesitations because I didn’t know who I was gonna meet.

All queens, black beauties in our glory, sittin back, chillin sharing our stories…knowledge…making things solid. The meet and greet!!!