Here Comes Another One

As we prepare to bring 2012 to a close, I reflect on what a wonderful year this has been for me. Yes, I’ve encountered some tests, but I am still here, living, kicking and loving like never before, and who I loved the most this year was definitely me and my babies. 2012 Was definitely a year of firsts for me. I’ve done things that I had been afraid to attempt in the past, and although everything didn’t work out the way I expected, it worked out all the same. I have learned so much more about the woman that I am and finally learning to trust the process and progression of the development of the woman that I’ve not yet become. I put me, my wants, desires and needs to the forefront of my life and I settled for nothing in 2012.

I’ve learned that there are always issues that arise in our lives, but every issue doesn’t involve lack, struggle or a battle to be fought and won. Some things you simply must bask in the lesson, find peace and let go. Folks will always have an opinion of you, some may even believe they know you a lot better then you know yourself, which is cool, folks are entitled to their opinions. But I have held strong to knowing who I am, my hang-ups, faults, my issues, as we all have them, and I’ve embraced them. I was no victim to any circumstance in 2012 and I have been completely liberated from guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.

This year I landed a new position which I love, working with some great colleagues, full of knowledge, I have finished my first book, awaiting its publication and I have several irons in the fire. Yes, I have much more to work on, but I am here, my children are healthy and I am secure, working towards the dreams that enter my consciousness, asking no one for anything, but tapping into the power that lives in me to will my innermost desires into fruition. Things can only become bigger and brighter in the New Year and I am concentrating on all the good in my life!!!

Happy New Year everyone! Wishing you nothing but peace, joy and many blessings for 2013.

With love and light,
Shamina

More of me…

I am love, I am light, I am blessed, I am smiles, I am butterfly kisses, I am deep, I am sensual, I am a lady, I am hood, I am intelligent…

I am so much more than I give myself credit for!

I am beautiful, inside and out, I am territorial, I protect my den, I am laughter, I am hurt and pain, I am confident, I am a conqueror, I am a queen, I am long legs, fat thighs with pretty lips and a beautiful smile...

I am anger, I am attitude, I am spoiled, I am emotional, I am funny acting, I am standoffish, I am. Simply, I am a lot of things...

Gun Play

When I was 15 years old and in the 10^th grade, just a few months shy of turning 16, I remember an incident where a loaded gun went off inside of a vehicle that was sitting just out front of my home. I was in the vehicle, along with two male friends at the time. I never knew whose gun it was, nor why it was loaded and in the vehicle. These fellas were 17 and 18 at the time. I recall the music blasting so loud that we barely heard the thing go off and it went off just beside my legs.  I could have been shot. I will never forget that moment, or the many others I saw as a child growing up in an inner city. Seems like gun violence was a part of the territory, a norm, heck, this is why when I attended high school, 1991-1995, metal detectors were a must. I didn’t realize there was something seriously wrong with that picture.

My father owned a gun while I was coming up, two actually, a revolver and a 22 and he still has the 22. My father would often bring the gun out and shoot it from the porch on New Year’s Eve, as my mother and siblings watched, this was a tradition. Running from parties, athletic events, corner stores and more was a way of life for most of us, a norm that was far beyond normal. Our society has been plagued by gun violence since the 1980s, and it’s not getting any better. Our constitution states that we have a right to bear arms, responsibly, but how many folks do you know who actually use their weapon responsibly? From the toddler that finds his father’s gun and accidentally kills his neighbor, the youth running the streets that brandishes and uses their weapons, illegal guns, with no regard, the accident murderers as Nas so poignantly stated in his most recent record titled such, and let us not forget the tragedy’s that involve those similar to the George Zimmerman’s of the world, The incidents like Columbine, I could go on.

I’ve handled and shot many weapons over the years, I know many individuals who own guns, legally and illegally, but are they really for the benefit of protecting ourselves?  Currently, I don’t own a gun, and I probably never will, for reasons I will not disclose here.

As written by Jason Whitlock, “How many young people have to die senselessly? How many lives have to be ruined before we realize the right to bear arms doesn’t protect us from a government equipped with stealth bombers, predator drones, tanks and nuclear weapons?

Our current gun culture simply ensures that more and more domestic disputes will end in the ultimate tragedy, and that more convenience-store confrontations over loud music coming from a car will leave more teenage boys bloodied and dead.”

I am so tired of hearing about gun violence, so tired of losing loved ones to gun violence, or almost losing them. Our country needs to take a long hard look at this issue, it’s long overdue.

Peace and blessings good people,
Shamina

Bang! (Poem about gun violence)
Created by Artluva
This is about a child who died due to gun violence.

Bang!

I heard the shot ring

That sound changed my life

It changed everything

I heard the sound of a gun being fired

Today, about an hour ago

It wasn't my fault

Johnny brought a gun to school, I got hit, now I must go

God told me to say my goodbies and then leave

So here I am, and this is my last goodbye

Please, even though I won't be here anymore

Try not to miss me too much, try not to cry

Tell Daddy

I'm sorry I wasn't always the best

Tell him I love him

And in my eyes, he was better than all the rest

Tell my sister

We fought often but believe it or not, I loved her too

Tell her to live her life

And to follow her dreams and do whatever she wants to do

Don't worry about me, I'm not alone

Grandma is waiting for me

And I'll always watch over you

Even if you can't see

My last request

My dying wish

Is to warn others of weapons

And it's risk

Never bring weapons

Even if you'll never use them, ever

They are still horrible

Use them? Never

Artluva, http://quizilla.teennick.com/poems/8031524/noaction, Web. 03 Dec 2012

The Quiet Place

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday fellow-shipping with family and friends. I thought I would be traveling but ended up staying local, which was a blessing in disguise. I was able to get so much accomplished at home, in addition to some much needed rest. Often times we find ourselves dealing with some sort of test or trial in our lives and most are unwelcome. We then find ourselves complaining or venting about “it”. I thought what I needed was a getaway, time with my family, but it didn’t happen, and I now know why.

I am learning to embrace my tests and trials, because I am beginning to understand that something will always come, so it’s best to simply prepare for these moments as best you can. It’s not always easy, and coping becomes tiresome, which is to be expected. We are a people whom want everything to be perfect and smooth sailing all the time, but life doesn’t work that way. So I ask myself, “Why get upset?” I can’t get all bent out of shape nor frazzled. I know there is a lesson and often times a revelation in that which I am going through and I know I am not going through it alone. During my time off from work, I became liberated, liberated from hosting and entertaining, liberated from sending mass texts and calls wishing everyone in my Rolodex a happy holiday, I became centered and grounded.

There are times where we need to be still and quiet, I have said this often, and we must take heed to the warning signs of when this needs to occur. There are times where you don’t want advice, listen to anyone’s rhetoric, there are times when you need to listen and commune with the inside and not the outside. During my time off, I did this and it felt great. Today, I am still in this place. I am beginning to embrace this season that I am in, the purpose becoming clearer each day. Today, I ask you to get still and quiet, commune with yourself, not murmuring or complaining about where you are and what you don’t have, but admiring all that you do.

Galatians 6:9 states: And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.  I know that giving up is not an option and the desires of my heart will be manifested in due time.

Have a wonderful week good people,
Shamina

LOVING

As I lay, he strokes my pain

My back has become relaxed, the tension has eased from my shoulders, my temples have stopped thumping
I smell the dew from the mountains as the wind sweeps pass the curtains
He kisses the back of my neck, inhaling a deep breath that makes my body smile, the hairs across my body stand
As I lay on my stomach, head laid on the pillow turned opposite of him, his hand caressing me, his other propped up under his face
he doesn't talk, he's simply gently touching me. He kisses my shoulders, soft butterfly kisses as I inhale
I don't say a word and my body relaxes
He cuddles my fears, my nerve endings on pins, he sits up, begins to massage my lower back and then my buttocks
As I lay, he turns me over, I hear the birds chirping
He kisses my forehead, the side of my cheek, the top of my ear and he tells me, he's not going anywhere, he doesn't want my body, just my mind, my heart, he wants it to open up...
I close my eyes, he places one hand against my belly, the other is propping his head...
I inhale
As I lay he massages my feet and I exhale, feeling defeated, my wall he is beginning to break
he says “its ok, I don't have to have it all now, I can wait...allow me to make love to your mind, put a ring around your heart and if you give me that, the loving will be a work of art, so just lay, I'll do my part.”