Derailed

Hi all, I know it’s been far too long, so please forgive me. You know, there are times when we find ourselves off track, off balance, derailed, in a manner of speaking. There are times when we focus on our issues and circumstances instead of our many blessings and the fact that we have life. This is where I found myself the past few months, derailed. When we look down on where we are instead of looking up toward where we wish to be, it opens the door for negative thinking and a defeatist attitude.

I found myself derailed and side tracked once again because of poor planning and bad decisions. I had a plan, prayed upon it, sought direction, but in the end I made choices that didn't support the plan. You see, since having my second child, I've been in financial straits, especially since I have received little to no support from the biological father. In addition, my quality of life changed BIG time. My income had been significantly different, expenses much higher and I haven't been able to take my children on vacations, yet alone to enjoy my own little vacations without the kids, it just didn't exist. So, I started getting the itch.

I started making plans that didn’t support my financial plan; I just couldn’t wait any longer. In return, I suffered and I wanted to blame everyone but myself. There were so many changes occurring in my life at the time and I didn’t want to accept blame for any of it, which in turn resulted in unhappiness and a lack of drive and ambition. Well, I had had enough of me. Sometimes we get so stuck inside our own heads, creating this silo where only we and our problems exist. There is a world of hurt that exist, tons of folks who have made poor decisions, unemployment at an all-time high, but guess what, we are responsible for us. We are responsible for our happiness, fulfillment and for doing what we can to get back on track, and help another person in the process.

I have been reminded time and time again, that we are not in this alone; we are helpers of one another. Prayer is powerful, accompanied with unwavering faith, determination and hard work; there is nothing we can’t achieve. More than half of the time, the battle to be fought and won is the battle of the mind. It is so easy to focus on the negative, but you have to make a conscious effort to combat negative thoughts, behaviors and actions with positive ones. Just because you are going through, doesn’t mean your family member, friend, neighbor has it any easier than you.

So, when your plan fails, when misfortune befalls you; mourn, cope as positively as you can, accept help, and constructive criticism. Dare to do something different, especially when you realize what you’ve been doing isn’t working. Network with others who are doing what you wish to do; be open and receptive to advice. Pick up the pieces and get back on track, you’ve been derailed, but not for long.

I was derailed, but I am now back on track, learning every day that I have to win the battle of the mind and work hard for all that I want and wish to be, and I most certainly have to be open to trying things differently, and when one plan fails, I have to re-vamp and re-create a new. I’m learning, per Iyanla Vanzant, to turn my broken pieces into peace.

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

LEVANTER

I've done enough looking back

Allowing the past to ride my back

Looking up is my hope

My willpower and determination is starting to surface

The endless possibilities that accompany confidence is exhilarating

I've done enough comparisons

Wishing hoping daydreaming that my past experiences didn't shape me

The struggle I've had with my inner self 

The years where unworthiness plagued the little girl ashamed and confused I've been trying to escape her instead of embracing her

The revelations are breathtaking

Intrigue builds eager to live the life that's always been in front of me 

The longing never died 

My emotions are non existent 

The torn dark part of me has been accepted and embraced

I've caressed my own face dried my tears hugged my disgrace 

I'm one with the wind its carrying me to know end 

I'm in awe of its freedom I almost envy it even and my desires are bubbling to the surface I can do this

I've decided to take a step forward

Derailed unveiled disorganized but yet propelled into something new incomparable to any of you 

Its my time and now I believe it like never before 

I've become invincible confident nerves no more head strong 

Everyday one step closer and its getting closer and closer 

Doubt leaves me now and the winds direction force is unknown

Levanter

 

The Magic and Power in Believing

Have you ever took notice to a child's conversation? The excitement they exude when they are in the midst of identifying an object they have recently learned; "Mom, an airplane" as they point to the sky, or "Mom, that's a bug".  Have you ever paid closer attention to the fearlessness they exhibit? You can tell them to stop jumping, but they jump anyway, even though we fear they may get hurt, but they have no fear. They strive in testing their limits, believing that they are invincible in many ways. As adults, the older we get, the more we lose this ability, most of us any way. We stop trying, we stop testing our limitations, we stop believing that anything is possible.

Our mind is a very powerful tool, and most days we don't even use half of its ability. I know that what I carry in my heart, is what ultimately inhabits my thoughts, which transcends into the world I've created.  But, my word is as big as I make it! My circumstances are as small as I allow them to be, not as big as I can make them. Currently, I am operating within this world where what I love near and dear is what I concentrate on and its what will be manifested into my reality.  I am imagining myself where I wish to be, and steadily expanding my world to include those who are established in the areas I wish to be.

Today, I am believing in what I want, asking for what I want, even if 10 people tell me no, I believe that someone will tell me yes. There is power in your dream, but we must do the work to make our dreams come true. In addition to believing it will come to pass, we have to be fearless enough to do the action required to bring the thing into fruition! We also have to be bold enough to remove the road blocks that we have created for ourselves, especially removing the hold that past experiences still have on us. The past is behind us and we must move into the realm of forgiveness and healing, and believe in the future that awaits.

I encourage you to use the power of belief today, and everyday to create this world that you could never imagine, this world that continues to grow and expand from the love and positivity that you have nurtured and cultivated it with. Push, do, live this day and your best life possible, set your own standard. What are you waiting for? There is magic and power in believing good people, and today I am imagining myself as the poet, writer and activist that I am.

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

BELIEVING

 Gonna close my eyes, reach the sublime and meet the whispers of my unconsciousness in my dreams

Open my mind; it’s a new day filled with new times, new adventures to find

This is my ship and I am the captain, here my limits are non-existent, the waters uncharted, so magnificent

I've met my peace with sheer will and grace, I am not who you say I am, I am a beast at what I do

I believe in me, I’m a dream maker, dream catcher, dream releaser

The writing is literally on the wall for you all

I’m hitting the stage, far from dismayed, my words filling your soul, stirring emotions, and your brain is working

I’ve met my peace and there is no turning back now, the road is narrow, but I’m still in pursuit

My heart is no longer heavy, my words are no longer stuck in my throat, my past has left me and my future awaits me

The hurdles I’ve jumped, the race I’ve won, the victory is mine, and I’ve only just begun

I refuse to stop at the ceiling when God has given me the sky

I’ve met my peace, my passion I will pursue, and my purpose He will continue to reveal
I believe in me and therefor believe in you

Preciousness

February is a month of love, Black history and culture, remembrance.  This month of February I have been reminded of all of these things, especially how precious a day is, the preciousness of life itself.  I have reminded my children about the struggles we have dealt with as a race and culture and that we must do the very best that we can to walk into our purpose and passion.  Our ancestors didn’t do much complaining, with far less resources, and they simply did what they had to do to survive.

It appears that I am still in this season of lack.  Lacking the necessary resources to live comfortably and do some things that I haven’t been able to do the past few years.  Travel as I wish, family vacations, treating myself to a gift that’s slightly extravagant.  But I am reminded of the resources that I have within me, to write and encourage others.  This month I finally finished my first work, my anthology of poetry, and I finally have a work that I am proud of.  And in reading it, I truly realized how far I’ve come.  I also realized that people are simply who they are.  Most don’t mean to hurt you, offend you, beat you down, but they do.  Some people love to hate you, others hate to love you, and some love you unconditionally, without limitation or stipulation.

                I am finally coming into myself, having a better understanding of what my purpose is, and knowing the difference between my purpose and my passion, and it feels great.  During our precious journey through life we encounter many obstacles and road blocks, but we still muster this courage to do incredible things.  We somehow come to this place where we beat insurmountable odds with grace, dignity and faith, and during the days and times that I feel defeated, I think back to my ancestors, my grandmothers.  How they were able to do so much with so little.

                During this month I was reminded again of my hometown and the senseless inner city shootings and killings of innocent people.  Two individuals that I have known personally were shot, one has survived, and the other is a young woman, not even 25 years old and leaves two children behind.  Again, I am reminded of the preciousness of life, a day, my daughter’s smiles, touch and laughter and I am reminded that my life isn’t so bad at all. 

There are some men who are not men at all.  Some men who think that they are men because they have fathered children, some men who are not raising their children, who are not spending quality time with their children who make all types of excuses to not be men and fully involved, especially if they are outside of the home.  There are women who are settling for anything, not living by a standard for their lives and the lives of their children, not protecting themselves against allowing men they hardy know into their homes, giving of their bodies, finding themselves deceived, allowing themselves to be deceived just for the sake of having some man.  While I’m here, I will do, breathe, and love, through lack, hurt and pain, I will embrace the preciousness of my life and continue to set a standard for my children and knowing that I am flawed, but still precious.  We make time for the things that we want to make time for.  So today, I ask you to make time for a friend, a family member, your children and recognize the preciousness all around you.

Peace and blessings,
Shamina

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? 'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise. Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries. Does my haughtiness offend you? Don't you take it awful hard 'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin' in my own back yard. You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs? Out of the huts of history's shame I rise Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise. Angelou, Maya  http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/still-i-rise/, Web. 28 Feb 2012.