Matters of The Heart

I thought about writing last week, but didn't want to write about any "heart matters". For some reason, I thought there was not enough substance in heart matters and that maybe some individuals were sick of listening and pondering "heart matters". Well, guess what, matters of the heart is what makes this world go round! Out of heart matters arise growth, compassion, break through, and most importantly, acts of kindness and servitude.

This week there has been allegations bought against a few well known men, Bishop Eddie Long, and Jesse Jackson, Jr., allegations of secret lives and unfavorable behavior. The most disturbing story I heard this week was concerning a father who strangled his four year old son to death, hurt another one of his children and then attempted suicide, all while a grandparent was in the home. These story's troubled me for many reasons, first being, what are we teaching our children? Where are our standards, our morality, our compassion for others? "The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children", Dietrich Bonhoeffer, German Protestant theologian & anti-Nazi activist (1906 - 1945).

We must raise our children with certain standards, teaching them early about what is good touch and what is bad touch. Teaching them and being an example of what a good person is and how they should conduct themselves. It all starts with raising our children with great standards, values, morals and giving them the opportunity to share their feelings at all costs. Keeping in mind that we were all children once, and we didn't always do as we were told, still don't as grown adults, but making sure we protect and educate our kids as best we can as to the dangers of this word, letting them know that we are accountable for our actions, and all actions will produce an outcome, whether favorable or unfavorable.

There is so much on my mind, so much so, that I can't convey my thoughts in such away that will capture all that is on my mind today. I just know that I am in deep thought, asking God for His direction and clarity in raising my children and being the best Woman in His kingdom that I can be, showing Him gratitude for where I am today and for where He is taking me.

So, today, I leave you with this piece:

Where Are My Words

Where are my words?
Are they lost in my soul or bound up in many different worlds
The worlds of my forefathers, my ancestors…Bound up in time that has past
My childhood, my youth…the pain of so many untold truths.
Where are my words?
Are they written on my heart, stuck and implanted in my unspoken thoughts
Lost in the treasures of my forgotten, tossed to the side unclaimed high school treasures, that no one cared to measure the importance of.
Where are my words?
Are they left behind with the anger of my unapologetic mother… my confused twisted older brother or with the sons of mothers who dehumanized a perfect little sister soldier
Where are my words?
Are they hiding in my pain, covering up what should have not been my shame, unexplained to those who inflicted the pain.
Where are my words?
Are they with my Heavenly Father during my prayers, during my conversations said boldly with confirmation, affirming that I am healed, bold, courageous, prosperous and worth more than 24 karat gold…more than all the rubies and unclaimed stones of this earth.
I ask, where are my words?
Are they with my new lover, my friendships of my true blue die hard sisters, my daughter who I try to keep in line and in order, or my father who has always been a father, but not always the best provider.
Where are my words?
Are they with the geese whom just took flight, the dogs who are strays, surviving with all their might, my people, places and things who are lost and without sight.
Where are my words…where are my words? I ask again, where are my words?
Are they out in the air on a cold brisk winters night, speaking to my homeless brothers and sisters of the night, the pimps, prostitutes, alcoholics, drug dealers and drug abusers, running from those elusive demons…
Are they with my single unwed mothers, my brothers locked up for one reason or another, my people who have lost their father’s and or mothers and other loved ones, my youth who have lost their direction and guidance, missing the opportunity to truly experience what it is like to be cool and not act like uneducated fools.
Are they wrapped up in wisdom waiting to spring forth and become a force, make a difference in this world…sitting with my grandmother and elders who helped build this nation.
Where are my words?

Shamina~

Fostering Healthy Relationships

Have you ever held on to friendships that you knew were not healthy for you? Keeping that friend around whose always negative, the friend that makes you feel bad about the poor decisions you've made, the friend who judges everyone and everything around you. Have you held onto those friendships that do not help you grow in any way, the ones that make you feel like you are being used? I know I have many days.

I can admit that I am not a good friend on many levels. I often forget birthdays, I hardly ever send gifts or cards. It's not that I don't think about it, lately, I simply haven't had the funds to do so, or that may be an excuse on my part. I simply haven't made the time or effort to make it a priority. However, my friends know that I love them and care about them and I express it in many ways. I am just trying to do better at tapping into their love language.

You know, there are friendships that end on their own, they may have only been for a season, and hopefully you learned from them and grew from them, using them to enhance future friendships or strengthen your current ones. Over the past few years I have endured some ups and many downs with those I considered to be a "friend". One of my girl scout songs just popped into my head, "Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold."

I have learned that most relationships will change and there are many dynamics to maintaining a healthy one. I have learned that I can love you from a distance because people change. Needs and wants change. I can love you and you don't have to be apart of my immediate circle and know every intricate detail of what's going on in my little ole world, the new and old.

I am challenging myself to make my friends more of a priority, to become aware of their needs and to show my care and concern in more ways, thinking of them first. Those I need to feed with a long handled spoon for whatever reason, I will, for my sanity, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you, just loving you different from before.

So today and everyday, I will foster healthly relationships with my friends and family, tapping into their love language and giving a little more of what they may need from me, even if that means keeping my distance. I will also keep myself open to the possibility of meeting new and different friends, ones who will teach me new lessons during this journey of life that will further enhance my character and to help me to become a better person and friend.

Smiles,
Shamina

Meet and Greet

You never know what God has in store for you.
New friends, new acquaintances, new relationships to be formed.

We’re at a meet and greet, and all of our spirits seem to be at peace…in a different place, different space, different secrets to keep.

Bought together by chance, our femininity intertwined in a dance of fellowship, laughter and stories of true blue survival.

All shapes, all sizes, all prizes in our own right! The meet and greet…we’re not here all soft and sweet. We’re here, open, honest and sharing our defeats, our conquest, our war scars.

The meet and greet. I had some reservations; some hesitations because I didn’t know who I was gonna meet.

All queens, black beauties in our glory, sittin back, chillin sharing our stories…knowledge…making things solid. The meet and greet!!!

How Successful Are You

How do you measure success? I feel, at many times, that I am not successful. But how do I measure my success? Is it by the amount of money I have in my bank account, or is by counting my failures, or is it knowing that I am not where I was 10 years ago. Do I measure it by allowing that thought that has been gnawing at my spirit that, I haven't attained that which I thought I would have by now, drive me not to act? That's my mind speaking against my inner self.

I have learned recently, that my motivation and my drive to be successful has taken a back seat. Seems as if I am simply going through the motions. I have recognized this because over the past 6 years, I have not been a finisher. I start and stop school, but I have not finished... I start jobs, but have no longevity, I have started an anthology of poetry that still isn't complete. I've noticed the closer I get to attaining my innermost desires and dreams, opposition hits the hardest. I know that there is a strength in me that knows that I can do all things...but I must "DO".

I say all this to say, that no matter what it looks like, no matter the number of failures, I am going to start one project at a time and finish it, see it through till the end. Failure is a part of success, but we must be careful with our thoughts. When it looks as if you can't, tell the opposition you will. It's more than having an "I can" attitude. You must have an "I will" mentality, no matter what the adversity may be. Knowing that the closer you get to fulfilling your purpose, the more opposition will be thrown your way. So prepare your mind for the fight, because it's never a a physical thing, simply a mind thing.

I am in active pursuit to finish the things that I have started, finding peace and fulfilment in those things. Is not about money, although I want an abundance of it. It's not about fame or recognition. It's a bout a desire to share, support and help others that may be where I was, and how to overcome and consistently and constantly reinvent yourself through dedication and focus.

So today, I am going to do and continue to surround myself with individuals that 'do'!!! And I pose the question to you to ponder, how successful are you?
Poem for today:

Standing Still

Everything is passing me by. The excitement of spring, which I love so dearly, the eventfulness of the summer and its sun, which I bask in, the winds of fall leaning into winter.
It’s been passing me by for the past two years and I fear that it will go on forever.
You know…standing still. Me standing still….
I love the summer blue skies and the beautiful butterflies,
The fall and winter midnight blue skies, some nights so clear you can see the ocean.
But it’s morning before I can sit on my porch and revel in these sites
The winter winds, brisk and cold,
Fresh air I want to stand and breathe it all in to see if any snow is coming.
But I can’t. I am standing still.
While all of life and its wonders are passing me by.
While time is ticking and Monday becomes Sunday after Sunday becomes Monday for me, because …I am standing still.
I can’t stand still too much longer, because something or someone is going to knock me down…
If I am still standing still.

Lovingly,
Shamina